Encompassed by temptations

“I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me. “And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted. “My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep. “He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh” (2 Nephi 4:18–21).

•Do you feel encompassed or trapped?
Yes, I not only feel encompassed by sin, sloth and gluttony, I am filled with the stink of it. I don't know how to change. I don't know what to change. I am so weak and I am so tired. I don't understand how I can live my life like this. I am either driving my family away, thus trapping myself in the terror that has become my life, or I am including them with me. I am like a woman in a pit, A filthy pit of despair and sorrow from which I cannot escape.

•When do you feel this way most often?
Whenever there is the threat of someone coming to my home. Whenever I want to stuff my face with whatever disgusting food I can find. Whenever I am alone and sad. All the time in fact. I don't believe there is a time I don't feel trapped. A time I don't feel alone.

•When Nephi felt overwhelmed, in whom did he place his trust?
Nephi trusts in the Lord. He knows that God is there to support him and to lead him through his afflictions. He felt God's love deeply, unto the consuming of his flesh. Oh that I could feel that love.

•What can you do to place more trust in the Lord?
I don't know ... Believe that He loves me? Even when my unworthy feelings tell me that He doesn't, that He can't love me. Believe His words. Obey His commandments. It seems to me that through obedience to His laws and finding the courage to trust Him and see His love for me that I would be placing more trust in Him. The big question is how do I do that?