Kids

I wanted to have time with the kids. I wanted to spend some good daytime fun time with them, but I can't because he has them this weekend. grrr.

Revenge

I want it, but it doesn't ever work, never, ever. I have to stop.

Forgetting...

I forgot my grandaughter's fifth birthday. It was four days ago. Oh my gosh! What a horrible grama I am. what a horrible horrible grama.

Repent and ask for help remembering, then create a way to remember.

Sin and consequenses

The terrible consequenses of sin are coming to a head in J---'s life. He wants to live in sin and in overindulgence. I have learned over the many years in which I have had consequenses to the stupid and sinful things I have done, that there is no escaping some consequenses. The sad part about this is that some consequenses hurt others for a very long time. How do you fix those? How can you fix the kids who suffer because of infidelity, abuse, misuse, hatred, war, and sin. There is no way. I realize I have done so many things, so many terrible sinful things that have affected my children in adverse ways. I see the children in my life suffering because of the sins of their father and mother, because of the hurfulness of past misdeeds. Poor little ones. Poor, poor little ones.

Anger

Anger is an emotion I could live without. It seems that when I get angry it lasts for hours, hours, hours. Then it is gone.

X son-in-law

he causes me to have to repent. rather when i think about him, i have to repent because i do not think of him in a christain manner.

Insanity

expecting a different outcome from the same behavior. it explains me.

Twit

i called my x son-in-law a twit today, not to his face, not even in paper, but sadly, in my thoughts. control. i have no control.

bad thoughts

yup, we all have them, we want the man who cut us off to get hurt, somehow. the lady who was rude to us, we wish her evil. at the time it seems reasonable to have these feelings of retribution, but is it really reasonable? no, i think not. God in His infinite wisdom has asked that we love one another and love our enemies, love those who use us despitefully, or those who abuse us. these people fall into this category. to love God we must also love His children.

kitchen

i havent cleaned my kitchen since thanksgiving. yeah i know that is a long time. i bet you are wondering how i managed to live in a kitchen that hasnt been cleaned for four months. right. well i have a lot of dishes and i didnt say i didnt wash dishes, just that i had not cleaned my kitchen. i never have liked cleaning and it is just so easy to let things go. even go to extreme. i hate to do the meanial (spelling intended) things that i have to do. they seem so pointless, and yet i am told that cleanliness is next to godliness. hmmm...next to, not is. maybe i am ok after all.

morning

sometimes its hard to get up and not be grumpy in the morning...so hard

guilt

so what happens when something wrong is committed?

first i think comes rationalization.

it was ok to say that because it wasnt gossip, it was true.
no one else knows so its ok.
well it was done to me first.

such things stop us from being redeemed of our sin.

second comes the guilt. this is when we feel sorry and it really hurts and we wish we hadnt done what we did, or did what we didnt do.

third comes Godly Sorrow. this is when we realize that we have offended God and we humble ourselves to His will.

more steps to come...

parents

ok, so if you are a teen, it is expected that you resent your parents and get upset when they are around. you dont expect to see the same thing when you are decades past your teens. yet that is what i have, resentment that borders hate. closely borders.

irritation

not wanting to do what i have to do is a constant battle for me. there are so many things that i want to do and i dont have time do do them. so sometimes the little things get terribly in the way just terribly.

deeds

some of the things we do cause us great sorrow and guilt. this is what this blog is for, a place for confessions. so read on fair friends and see how difficult guilt can be.